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    "Education is more than filling a child with facts. It starts with posing questions." - D.T. Max

Communicating with Gen-Z: Parents just need to master these 2 time-tested processes

By Devendra Rao | Published: July 18, 2011

In my last post, I had stressed on the importance of parents keeping communication channels open with their children and try to learn from them as well. Since then some of my readers had asked me to elaborate on this ‘key aspect’ of parenting. In this article, I take this as an honour and obligation to share my views with parents.

Since parents have the duty and the right to be the first educators of their children, their primary concern is the physical and emotional well-being of their wards.

I am sure you all agree with me that good communication establishes solid ground to stand on when relationships encounter challenging situations. So, the next logical question is: What skills will help strengthen communication in our family?

I think it boils down basically to 2 vital processes a) SPEAK b) LISTEN

Both these processes have a no. of logical steps which you need to be aware of and practice until it becomes a Habit. So, to make the steps, easy to remember, I decided to expand on each word. Here…it goes….

SPEAK
S – State your thoughts/feelings(with eye contact). This will help you to be clear,direct and honest with your kids.

P – Practice what you want to say, before you say it. This will help you to think before you speak.

E – Evaluate a good time and place. (This is a very important step, as kids are very sensitive to this)

A – Ask your child to repeat what they have just heard. This will help you ensure that they heard it right and help your child to share his/her thoughts.

K – (very) Kindly ask your child to respond ……this then leads to the 2nd process…which is

LISTEN
L – Listen with an open mind. Pay attention. Don’t interrupt. Resist distracting thoughts.

I – Identify their ‘feelings’ part in the conversation/feedback. Feelings like frustrations, pain, difficulty, excitement etc.

S – Silence. Extremely important step. Don’t jump with your counter-comment. Let it sink in.

T – Tend the conversation. Use appropriate words, sounds & nods to show that you are interested.

E – Engage. Repeat what you just heard…and end it with a question to get a affirmation from your child that this is what he/she means by what  is being said.

N – Never interrupt them with your own opinions, feelings, thoughts etc…Keep it for the 1st process which is……

SPEAK….. then LISTEN then SPEAK then LISTEN…..and you both find a flow…a communication channel which is smooth, clear & enriching.

Care should be taken that this entire SPEAK-LISTEN loop is not disturbed with some common communication blockers like:

1.Interrogation – Come on parents, don’t behave like a cop with your kids.
2.Domination – Resist the urge to control and show who the Big Daddy is.
3.Yelling – This is usually the 1st re-action and mostly comes from a fear mindset.
4.Accusing – Give a chance to hear out the entire story before………..
5.Interpreting(your way) and then
6.Judging(their character rather than the situation) and finally the biggest monster……
7.Sulking – this silence treatment allows negative feelings to fester, creating a very uncomfortable environment for a productive conversation to take place.

If you can’t resist these blockers, then you have not really understood the above 2 processes. You need more practice :)

….and you are not alone…..your’s truly also keeps forgetting these basics and needs to be reminded of these ;)

Let us all as responsible parents…try to practice these more frequently and make it into a habit. We owe this to our kids.

Now how do all these techniques apply to a situation where your child is more computer-savvy then you are?…and there arises a situation where your parental instinct tells you that something is not quite right…and you aren’t able to figure that out.

In today’s times…your Child needs the Internet….but remember, the Internet isn’t all good. There are a no. of SIGNS, that may signal a problem with your online kid. Let me help point out some:

  • Screen-switching – the child suddenly switches the screen when you enter the room.
  • Odd phone calls – this could be from total strangers
  • Odd night hours – surfing/chatting during this time.
  • Unusually upset when Internet connection is down for longer periods -this points to addiction.
  • Social withdrawal – virtual relationships are more valued then real ones.

Taking a cue from these signs and applying the above mentioned techniques will help build effective communication and trust levels with your children. Parenting Gen-Z kids can be difficult, especially if you didn’t grow up with the same technologies that are available now. Please don’t be in denial of this. We can always learn and be of help to each other.

If you found some value in this article, I urge you to forward/refer/tweet this to your friends. If you have any further query please drop a mail at securechildhood@gmail.com or rao.devendra@gmail.com I would be glad to help.

Posted in Family, Kids, Non-Tech, Parenting | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Are Indian kids safe Online – Analysing a Survey Report

By Devendra Rao | Published: July 11, 2011

Computer security firm McAfee recently commissioned a comprehensive study titled ‘Are Indian kids safe online?’ The survey was conducted across 10 Indian cities & included kids of all age groups. The study is basically all about the online behaviour of Indian children and related parental concerns.

Some of the salient findings of the study are as follows:

  • 53% kids have shared personal information online
  • 64% of 9-12 yr olds are members of social networking sites
  • About 98% kids across cities access internet from homes
  • About 21% said they were exposed to adult content, with the proportion being 40% in Mumbai and 28% in Bangalore.
  • While 54% parents have generic security software on their PCs, a massive 77% are unaware of the specific software’s available to monitor child safety online.
  • About 12% of the kids have reportedly faced online bullying.

This study clearly points out the following:

  • Children are spending more time socializing on the net with friends than in real life, especially in the 9-12 year category.
  • Many kids and parents are not fully aware of the threats present online.
  • There seems to be a clear gap between how kids spend their time online and how parents perceive kids spend their time online.

In conclusion:

There’s a definite Internet usage patterns of Indian kids that has been emerging.

There seems to be a complete lack of adequate monitoring of online activities by parents.

We can safely conclude that as the number of teenagers and pre-teens rises, their parents’ awareness of their activities seems to be on a steady decline, what with the emergence of newer technologies and ever new techniques used by the bad guys out there.

There is an ever increasing need for installing a good family protection software to monitor kids online. A typical monitoring software should be able to report the internet activites(preferably in real-time -SMS’ing capabilities) among other features.

One of the lesser known and rarely reported trend is online bullying. This issue is a major concern and widely reported in western countries. Like all fads it would only be a matter of time that problems like bullying and sexting becomes a fad in India too.

Some medical experts have highlighted the fact that kids suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD) are prone to become cyber addicts.

Looking at the totality of the report, I would stress the following:

Parents should learn/understand what are the probable threats that their kids can face online. How best to protect them? How best to handle sensitive issues like adult content? Understand what exactly Privacy means and last but not the least the most important thing to remember is that parents need to keep communication channels with their children open and try to learn from them as well.

Posted in Family, Kids, Parenting, Survey, Teenagers | 2 Comments

How Teenagers can Improve their Lives (while still under their parents control)

By Devendra Rao | Published: July 7, 2011

Famous blogger and an advocate of simplicity and minimalism Leo Babauta gives some straight-forward advice to teenagers in this post of his titled “The Zen-Habits of Teen-agers”.

Here’s Leo’s views- simple, short and crisp

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How do you improve your life and find happiness when you’re a teen-ager, and can’t control much of your life?

You change what you can control, and let go of trying to control everything else.

Several teen-agers have written to me recently, asking for a post on how to improve their lives when they’re still under their parents’ control.

It’s not easy, I’ll admit. But there’s a lot you can do, no matter what your situation.

For example … if your parents are constantly getting mad at you, constantly negative, constantly controlling your life and not letting you do what you want to do, how do you handle that?

Try this:

Look at every interaction with your parents as an opportunity.

It’s an opportunity to practice patience.

It’s an opportunity to empathize and find compassion for others.

It’s an opportunity to let go of your expectations of what others should do.

It’s an opportunity to stop wishing things were other than they are.

It’s an opportunity to be grateful in the face of frustrations.

I know that it’s frustrating when you can’t do what you want to do. Teen-agers are rapidly becoming adults, and yet they’re not given the freedom, the respect, the rights of adults.

As a side note, this seems wrong to me. Why don’t we give teen-agers the freedoms of adults? I know most of you will have reasons, but say them out loud … and then think of how you’d feel if your spouse or friend used that as a reason to deny you of freedoms. And think of how those same reasons were used to deny minorities and women those same freedoms, not too long ago.

Anyhow, this is the world we live in. So how can teens cope with this? Some suggestions:

1. Stop trying to change what you can’t. You cannot change your parents. You might be able to change your situation with drastic moves, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Instead, let go of the wishes you have that things were different. Things aren’t different, and wishing they were different just leads to frustrations. Accept things for what they are, see people for who they are, and work with that reality.

2. Figure out what you can change. Even if you have few freedoms, there are always small things you can change. Can you spend a few minutes doing sitting meditation? Can you eat more fruits & veggies? Can you walk more? Can you watch less TV and find a few minutes to create? Can you blog? Can you do some pushups in your room? Can you learn to be more grateful in every interaction with others? Can you slow down a bit? Can you smile more? There are lots and lots of small changes you can make, even if you can’t make the big ones you’d like to make.

3. You can always change your mind. Learn to live in the moment. Learn to be mindful of your thoughts. Learn to squash negative thinking. Learn to see the opportunities in everything. Learn to see mistakes and failures as an opportunity to learn and improve. Learn to be grateful, and compassionate, and kind.

4. Learn to live without control. If you don’t control much of your life, guess what? You’re like the rest of us. We only think we have control over our lives, but it’s an illusion. Instead, learn to give up that control, and deal moment to moment with what comes.

I’m no longer a teen-ager, so what I say might seem irrelevant, presumptuous. But I was a teen-ager once, and I am the father of three teens (and one pre-teen). I am a brother to two teens and uncle to many more. I do my best to show them respect and compassion, but know that they still feel frustrations. If they could learn these few lessons, they’d be far ahead of most people.

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Now Readers, if you liked this article, I ask you to actively share and forward it to all your contacts. A special thanks to Leo for allowing us to share his posts, thus making it possible to make the world a little better place to live in!!

Posted in Co-Bloggers, Family, Non-Tech, Teenagers | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Want to quickly check how Secure your Browser is?

By Devendra Rao | Published: March 24, 2011

Hi Friends(a quick update) – We all know how bad Browser security is. They are frequently outdated and easily prone to attack. I would like to share a quick link from a company called Qualys which is offering a free browser check. Do take advantage of it. Here’s the link:

https://browsercheck.qualys.com

The results point the user to software updates that resolve security issues and offer recommendations in case a fix is not available.

Disclaimer: Do read the company’s T&C’s before starting. This info is only for my readers benefit and in no way am I connected or gaining financially with this recommendation.

Posted in Recomendations, Tools | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Saintly Advice on Teen-age: for Parents,Teachers & Teens

By Devendra Rao | Published: February 24, 2011

There is an old saying in Sanskrit: ‘When your son or daughter turns sixteen, behave with them like a friend’. Don’t be their teachers; don’t tell them what to do or what not to do. Just share their difficulties with them. Be a friend to them; a friend who is at their level. A friend understands them, moves with them, empathises with their emotions and difficulties. If you relate as a friend with them and not as a parent, they will open up to you.

Usually teenagers open up to their friends much more than to their parents; it’s a common phenomenon. This also goes for teachers. A teacher should also be a friend – should behave as a friend, talk as a friend. Then the gap gets bridged. Once the gap is bridged, love flows; communication happens. And once communication happens, virtually all the problems are solved. The biggest problem is lack of communication.

Recently a follower of Guruji Sr Sri Ravishankar, founder of the Art of Living, asked this question:

Q: Guruji how to handle a teenage child?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Teenagers, when you have to manage them, you should know how to ride a horse – neither too lose nor too tight! Some times you let it loose, sometimes you hold it tight. So keep a balance.

I believe this analogy strongly hits home the advice that Guruji wants to give parents. No further advice needs to be given to them. However, for teenagers, Guruji has something more to say. What follows below is a message by him to all teenagers:

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Teen-age years are the most confusing years. You are no more a kid who can be pacified with toys and sweets, but you have also not matured enough in emotional terms. A new world has just opened up in front of you and it’s such a difficult time. On one hand, there are big highs! On the other hand, there are so many lows including loneliness. A child doesn’t feel lonely, but you do at times. Not only that, there are also so many hormonal changes taking place in your body. You become familiar with your own body, mind, emotions, urges and difficulties. Suddenly you begin to feel that nobody understands you because what parents say from their standpoint as parents – good or bad – doesn’t appeal to you. Long-term plans don’t exist. You want immediate solutions, immediate gratification, immediate, immediate… Everything should happen now! Instantly! You feel that adults do not understand you. And on the other hand, you can’t connect with small kids either. You have reached a stage where you find all the toys, all the simple games that you have outgrown, meaningless.

During these complicated years, you need to have hope. You need to develop an understanding about life; what you want to do, how to cope with your wants.

Dealing with emotions:

How to deal with our emotions? Big problem! Although we have grown older – beyond the ‘teenage’, we more often fail to grow beyond ‘teenage’ mentally. You know, our body grows in a particular sequence. In the first seven years, the physical body grows but the intellect does not grow; then up to fourteen years, the intellect grows. The period from 14 to 21 years is for emotional maturity. So the general belief is that you become physically mature, then intellectually mature and finally, you become emotionally mature.

However, many do not grow to that maturity at all. Lack of emotional maturity is always worrying about your emotions – feeling as though you are a victim of your own emotions: “Oh! I feel like this! I feel like that! What to do?” What will you do? Who cares about your feelings? Why do you worry so much about your feelings? Your feelings keep changing. Sometimes you feel bad; but the bad feeling doesn’t stay with you forever. It changes and you start feeling good once again; but even that ‘good’ feeling does not stay forever. Nobody can feel bad or good ALL the time; the good and bad feelings come like waves. You can’t stop a wave that has already arisen; nor can you make a wave rise just like that. Just as waves come and go, clouds come and go, so also emotions come and go. Waves of different emotion come. And they disappear. But we make it such a big issue: “Oh, I feel good! Oh, I feel bad! I feel this way, I feel that way, nobody cares for me…” – all these complaints keep bombarding our minds. This emotional garbage is so useless; and it is also a sign of emotional immaturity.

Emotional maturity, intellectual maturity, physical maturity; you need all these three ‘maturities’ to be a complete personality. Are you sharp and focused? Are you interested in learning and in growth? If yes, you have matured intellectually. And once you have matured intellectually, do not let emotional immaturity cloud your intellect. By the age of 21, you’re supposed to be emotionally and physically strong, and intellectually sharp. Hence, you acquire the right to vote, because you are supposed to be mature – an adult. But this seldom happens!

But what is the big deal about your feelings? I tell you, bundle them up and throw them into the ocean! Once you are rid of your ‘feelings’ you can be happy, in good spirits. Just examine why your spirits go down? More likely than not because somebody said something stupid to you. And why did they say a stupid thing? Because they had some garbage they needed to throw out; and you were there, ready to catch it. And once you have caught it, you hold on to it so passionately! Come on! Wake up! Don’t let your smile be snatched away by anybody!

In this world, everything cannot be perfect all the time. Even the best, the greatest of actions, performed with the noblest of intentions, will have some imperfections. It is but natural. Unfortunately, the tendency of our mind is to grab the imperfection and hold on to it. And in the process, we end up making our moods, our minds imperfect. Our souls reel with this nonsense.

It is imperative to get out of these cycles, and to become strong and courageous from within. And that which gives you that strength, that courage, that smile and that helps you to become unconditionally happy and loving is what is called spirituality.

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Thanks to Guruji for bestowing more clarity on this crucial aspect of Life.

I request you to forward this post to your contacts or tweet about this, so that the word spreads fast enough.

Posted in Family, Non-Tech, Parenting, Teenagers | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Series 1: India’s Got Talent-Suhas Gopinath

By Devendra Rao | Published: January 24, 2011

This post is an attempt to inspire our teenagers with stories of some of the very well know whiz kids(some now grown up) who have made a mark in the world of computing and technology.

Today, we profile Suhas Gopinath, Age:24, Resident of Bangalore

"The Whiz Kid"

Founder, CEO & Chairman of Globals Inc, an IT multinational company

He launched a web site called CoolHindustan.com(now defunct) at the age of 14, and incorporated his company around the same time, making him the world’s youngest CEO. Gopinath taught himself how to build websites and sold portals to bricks-and-mortar firms in the US. He now runs a firm Globals Inc which helps their clients in applications such as web designing, storage management, online shopping, internet security and credit card payments.

Suhas’ ambition as a child was to become a vet, but the internet fired his imagination when he was 14.After initial resistance, his father, a retired defence scientist, encouraged him by buying him an internet-linked computer.At an age when other teens were whiling away time at bowling alleys or go-karting, Suhas was busy drawing a road map for his fledgling company. It hasn’t all been plain sailing though – Suhas found his age was a problem when it prevented him from signing a major contract with a foreign outsourcing firm.

Suhas says he is looking for people in their teens or 20s. He believes, enterprise is more important than high academic qualifications. His aim is to develop a platform for youngsters to develop their talents and to help them understand and get exposed to technology.

Not only forward-thinking in business, Gopinath has a lot to say about social issues as well. He has also spoken at a Young Leaders’ Conference, about the importance of viewing the world as a global community without political borders. Gopinath is just as passionate about animal rights.

How Suhas’s parents played a role in his success:

In an interview he was asked: What kind of social and family pressure and resistance did you face when trying to set up business at a young age?

This is what Suhas said: “Initially when I was setting up the company I told my parents that I was involved in a hobby club and that it was just something that I was doing in my spare time. Later on when my parents discovered about my company they were concerned about how it would impact my future and were keen that I continue my education. In India, a good education is perceived as pivotal to one’s success — and, in many cases, helpful in finding a suitable partner for marriage. But my parents have, on the whole, been a great support to my dreams. The values they have instilled in me have helped me in my business as well. It’s very important for parents to encourage their children especially if they have the entrepreneurial spirit in them.”

……And his message for young entrepreneurs : “Be adventurous in life and be willing to take risks. Take every opportunity to meet new people, operate in new circumstances and get out of your comfort zone. Though I have made many sacrifices to reach this point, the joy of providing employment to hundreds of talented youth has made it a worthwhile journey for me so far.”

Suhas idolises Bill Gates and would like to see his company become as big as Microsoft one day.

You may follow Suhas on Twitter and on Facebook

Proud photo ops of Suhas:

Proud Moment with Parents

With Ex-President Dr. A P G Abdul Kalam

If this post was inspiring enough, you may share your views in the comments section below.

Data Courtesy: Web(various sources)

Posted in Series | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Technical Support Phone Scams

By Devendra Rao | Published: January 13, 2011

A nice little video which aims to create awareness against swindlers trying to take you for a ride. There are a lot of variants to these type of scams…but the purpose is the same…..to cash in on basic human weaknesses like Fear,Greed and Ignorance. Have a look & please help spread the word…..

Posted in Videos | Tagged , | Leave a comment

May you live in Interesting Times!!

By Devendra Rao | Published: January 7, 2011

Ok..Ok…I have not posted a blog for a long long time….Here’s what kept me busy….

Apart from the mundane things and the day job, I have been speaking to a lot of Teens and of course Parents regarding safe online practices and the constantly changing and evolving cyberspace scenarios. I must say that these are really ‘Interesting and Challenging times’. With a lot of hype and activity going on, what with a complex convergence of social networking forums, real-time news feeds/leakages and a varied mix of multimedia spicing up the cauldron. It has never been this better, exciting and frightening….and believe me there’s still more to come…

Just completed a survey(shall post the survey report soon) with a few parents. The most obvious concerns were reflected in the survey and the 2 most common feedback/advice, that concerned parents would give their kids are as follows:

1. Don’t do anything which would put your Life in Danger.

2. Don’t do anything which might land you in jail or bring disrepute to family honour.

During this self-imposed sabbath from writing, I also had an opportunity to gel with a lot of teenagers at different forums -both online and offline. The 2nd most important concern (though paradoxical) on their minds is about how little their parents know about technology. (You may like to read this as well)

So for all my dear young friends, I believe this place (courtesy Google) is the right starting point to engage the oldies.

Psst…psst….the most important concern of some of these teens were that their ‘recently initiated’ parents were pestering them to befriend them on Facebook.

And as for the title of this blog post, its actually an ancient Chinese curse, which, while purporting to be a blessing, is in fact a curse -which translates to “May you experience much upheaval and trouble in your life”.

May the upheaval brought about by the rapidly changing technologies bring prosperity and loving connections instead. After all the ultimate purpose of technology should be to improve the quality of human lives.

….and yes, I promise to be in touch with you(my readers), more often…..Ciao

Posted in Family, Non-Tech, Parenting | Tagged , | 2 Comments

6 Pointers from a Teenager to Avoid Distractions

By Devendra Rao | Published: April 19, 2010

I believe one thing teenagers would love not to hear from adults is lecturing them about how to go about their life. Parents, out of concern for their kids often unconsciously resort to this – wondering… if it’s been embedded and hard coded in our genes :)

So, wouldn’t it be nice if teenagers themselves do some talking with their counterparts and offer tips from their own perspective? Priyank Nangalia just did that in this post. Below you will find another one, so lucidly written by a Guam based 17 year old teenager Chloe Babauta who is the daughter of Leo Babauta – owner of the ever so popular Zenhabits website.

I am sure you all agree that the Internet with all its popular apps like Facebook, Youtube,Twitter,Orkut etc. along with all the latest gizmo’s is the No.1 distraction in the life of any Digital Citizen. It’s as if everyone is getting lost in the info-maze. For adults it takes a toll on their work efficiency and productivity and for children  it often contributes to low concentration levels and ever falling grades at schools and colleges. This is where Chloe guides her peers and offers helpful pointers to enjoy the best of both worlds – online and offline. Heres the post……..

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With all the distractions we’re presented with from the Internet and other forms of media these days, it can be very difficult for teens to focus on schoolwork.
It is so convenient to tweet what you’re doing, text your friends, watch Davedays on YouTube, or to do an infinite number of things when you’re supposed to be researching for an essay.
I’ll admit that just during the time it took to write this post, I’ve taken several breaks just to go on Facebook to see what everyone’s up to. Don’t worry – everyone will still be there after you’re done doing your work, so close Firefox/Chrome/Safari and get down to business.

Here are a few ways to increase your productivity and try to break away from distractions:

1. Turn off your wireless/Internet connection.

I know, it sounds crazy to deliberately cut off your connection to the outside world, but just do it. It eliminates your ability to easily open up your Internet browser and will help you to focus on what you really should be doing.

2. Set aside a specific time for using social networking/other recreational websites.

I’ve allotted myself some time to use the computer from 5:30-6:30 in the evening. I know that if I don’t give myself any limits, I’m capable of staying on Facebook and “becoming a fan” of fifty more pages instead of writing an essay or doing my math homework. I’m sure many people experience this problem too, so make sure to set aside about an hour (or whatever works for you) for leisure time.

3. Take short breaks.

After reading my American History book for too long, I tend to waste about half an hour by taking a nap. So to save myself from becoming insanely bored, I take little breaks by checking MySpace for a few minutes or getting a snack. I suggest that you do your homework or read for about ten to fifteen minutes at a time, then take a two to five minute break to maintain your sanity.

4. Do your work NOW rather than later.

I am a seasoned procrastinator. I’m guilty of wasting hours on end watching or making YouTube videos, chatting on instant messengers, or just daydreaming. I’ve learned the hard way that procrastination is not very rewarding and almost always results in bags under your eyes and B minuses (though there are several cases in which I’ve gotten exceptionally good grades for papers I had written at midnight). Do yourself a favor in advance, and start your work ahead of time.

5. Prioritize!

Ten years from now, do you want to look back at your life and realize that you spent a greater portion of your teen years sitting down in front of a laptop, rather than doing things that actually matter? Spend some time with your family or go outside and take a walk. Read a book, or do something with yourself that doesn’t involve a computer. (This is something I really need to work on too.)

6. Spend less time reading blogs like these about how to help yourself and get right to work! NOW!

The only way to really live productively is to go out and start actually living! After you’ve read up on how to become more productive, put your newly obtained knowledge to use.

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Thanks Chloe!!
Now Readers, if you liked this article, I ask you to actively share and forward it to all your contacts. A special thanks to Leo for allowing us to share his posts, thus making it possible to make the world a even little better place to live in!!

Posted in Co-Bloggers, Productivity, School | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

….and You thought Kids are too young to teach Computers!!

By Devendra Rao | Published: April 7, 2010

Hi Friends…just came across this cute little video of a 2.5 yr old kiddo playing with an iPad. Thought I should share it with you as a Quickie post. Hey…our species is evolving guys…and how…..click the link below to watch this video.

A 2.5 Year-Old Has A First Encounter with An iPad

Posted in Kids, Tech Toys, Videos | Leave a comment

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