Interview with Mr. Hasmukhbhai Sanghvi

Who is Mr. Hasmukh Sanghvi? – Is he a Celebrity?

No….He is my co-passenger. A Commoner. We commute by a local Mumbai train everyday to our respective workplaces. He is 53 years old(rather young). Hasmukhbhai is a religious and straight forward person.

Why I chose to interview him?… Simply because in my opinion he is an ideal father who has successfully raised his 2 children- son(22) and a daughter(20). He and his wife(she is a housewife) have given them the right values, education and direction in life. His views on parent-child relationships is what led me to interview him, more so ever He uses technology to keep in touch with his son. So we have a strong Techno-PD case here… which is the theme of this site. I sincerely believe and hope that this post could benefit my readers and they get some good insights. If you have benefited or enjoyed reading this interview, then kindly leave your comments at the end of this article.

Interview follows:

Q: How did you handle Physical Security(well-being – getting into bad company,lying, not respecting elders etc.) and Financial Security(unable to provide for their higher education and other needs) concerns towards your children?

A: As for Physical Security, every time we as parents sat down to interact with our children, we used to tell them that we Trust both of you completely and there is no need to hide anything from us. We put in their minds the concept of ‘Truth’ in simple ways that they could understand, often with stories from our Jain and other religions. A few months back when my son was studying in Pune, away from home..I simply gave him my add-on credit/debit card…i knew he wouldn’t misuse it.During their school days…we used to just sit besides them and go through their school calendar to check if they needed anything back at school. We would let them study on their own and would help only if required. Way back It was clear to us that we are just providers.Both my children are made of stern stuff. This reflected when my son assured me that he would take care of himself in the US. They also had very good friends during their growing up years. See… we have struggled a lot to bring them up in life. It was like watering a plant daily, tending to it and watch it grow. The secret is not to ignore this plant even for a single day …so that it does not become prey for predators or the vagaries of life. We even took care not to over-protect them. Now, when we look back at life..sometimes we cannot hold back our tears.

Reg. Financial security, I had read about the cost of higher education in India…but it hit home hard when my son told me about his plans of pursuing higher education in the US. Since I wasn’t really prepared for it..I had my own share of tension..but later made up my mind that no matter what I have to provide my children whatever is needed so that they get the best. Moreover I had this habit from their early childhood of giving them a firm and final reply in YES or NO, after considering and understanding the facts from them. My son had already started preparing for his GRE exam and it was upto me to see that he concentrated on his studies while I worked in the background to arrange for the finances. I tried to get as much information from all sources, tried finding out what other parents were doing in a similar situation. Before applying for his admission, we approached some private educational consultants. In short, I made it a point to meet a lot of people to ascertain how much finances I need to provide overall.Here I must warn all parents that they should be very careful about the fine prints while signing any document related to loans or for that matter even admission forms. It usually has hidden costs and clauses. Also beware of unscrupulous consultants. Some just charge hefty fees for providing information and make you run around for all the important work. Be clear on terms and conditions before you pay up. I must also give credit to my son… for he too made efforts to get as much information as possible. Meanwhile I was just pushing him to concentrate on his academics and forget from where the money would come.

Q: So, looking at the whooping cost (thousands of dollars) of education abroad, didn’t you try to convince him to study in India so that it would work out still cheaper?

A: We had a discussion around that as well and weighed all pros and cons. We found that the advantage was clearly in studying in US in terms of exposure,weightage and lots of choices(subject-wise). No doubt we were paying almost double the money that we would have paid here. Moreover, considering the pros he was very firm on studying abroad….see… you cannot break your children’s heart over these issues….this… I was clear about. I can’t see him sad for compromising on things he wants from his heart. Now since all money-matters are taken care of, I feel my responsibilities towards him are over. It’s up-to him….how he takes it forward from here and shapes his life. Rest assured as always…I will still be around for him. He realizes this and told me recently that he won’t come back during his vacations, rather was keen on working as an intern and earn some money to support himself. Now he is in the drivers seat

Q: So, if this same financial crunch comes when your daughter goes for higher studies…. ???

A: I am now fully confident of handling anything….ask and it shall be provided. I just tell her to stick to her schedules and concentrate on her studies like her brother. One thing is clear, children just need to understand their responsibilities (studying sincerely and being transparent with their parents). Don’t pressurize them….rather give them their space. See….whatever financial decisions you take has got to be a smart decision. I realized this when my daughter actually was considering MBBS. When we discussed this and the cost implications for doing a specialization it would have been a very big financial burden. So taking all things into consideration, she settled for physiotherapy. This was not a compromise but a wise decision. Moreover we never discussed financial crisis with our children..just made them realize about other opportunities in a similar stream which could work out well for everyone…..a Win-Win situation in the family.

Q: Didn’t you make provisions for your children, right from the days they were young?

A: No, I didn’t. I didn’t realize that one day I would have to confront this situation. No parent knows what their kids would demand when they grow up. But I had my own house…I could raise enough money by mortgaging it or go for an educational loan. When I bought the house I was clear that this is an investment for my children.

Q: So when did they actually understand their responsibilities….

A: When they stepped out of school and joined college… My son was clear headed on his path…he wanted to do BSc..Pharmacy..and since then he has been a ranker every year.

Q:Did you find it easy to get in touch with your son over Skype? Where you intimidated by technology?

A: I don’t use it much but my wife and daughter are comfortable handling it. Happy to see how technology helps in reducing costs and connecting face-to-face.

Q: Did you in anyway and anytime force your decisions on your children? Do you believe parents should use the stick to discipline children? Yes or No? Why?

A:I never did that and I believe that no parent should use the stick. But my wife used too….no two individuals are the same you see Children have a right to play mischief..and don’t you dare take that right from them. The Thumb Rule is…don’t irritate children to the point that they start disobeying you directly and throwing up a tantrum. I have myself maintained a disciplined life and always stuck to my schedule. My kids have observed all this and that too without preaching them anything about discipline or time-management. I was there with them, when they were learning cycling and swimming. I never forced them to try hard..just gave them enough time to overcome their initial fears. I have never touched liquor in my life. I know the consequences …direct and indirect…that plays on children’s mind when they see their dads come home drunk. Children are smart..they learn by observing.

Q: What is your opinion on the rapidly changing technology. How should parents adapt to it?

A: Yes..it is growing rapidly. Parents just need to learn the basics of securely using these. Rest leave to professional help. To be curt, don’t waste time below the desk with a screw-driver Moreover, don’t make the mistake of jumping in to get the latest in technology. Identify what you need and what your money can buy best. But be open and receptive to whatever new emerges everyday.

Q: So at this stage of your life, do you consider yourself, a successful parent?

A: Success is a relative term…there is a long way to go. We can’t go and beat our chests….that yes, we are successful parents..because life is so uncertain…we have to just be positive, do the right and smart things and be hopeful about the future. No one knows what is written in ones Karma(Destiny). We are just playing our role as and when we take centre stage. There is no ego or hang-ups..but we should celebrate such small victories all along the way.

Q: Your views on the recent spate of suicides committed by students all over Maharashtra?

A: All these incidents depend on circumstances. It is hard to fathom what goes on in the minds of our teenagers. Why do they need to take such a drastic step? Parents should console and encourage their kids even if they score low in their exam. The encouraging line should always be…. “Good – at least you have put in your efforts..there is always a next time” Always motivate them. Please don’t build even an ounce of pressure(to perform well) on them. Because you don’t know what they are going to achieve(every kid has that potential) tomorrow..I have gone through all this..so I know better. Just tell them “We know you can do it”.

Q:Thanks Hasmukbhai for your time. So “ALL IZ WELL”  in your life?

A: We saw this movie(referring to the film 3 Idiots – based on living a passionate life) …only recently, but me and my wife have been practicing the theme of this movie since a long long time. Yes…..‘All iz Well” (laughs)

P.S: Hasmukhbhai has just got a visa to US and planning to join and celebrate his son’s success.

Parting Notes:

You may or may not agree with his views…but hopefully all readers get to take something valuable out of this interview. I welcome you to share your views and experiences as well. If you liked this interview, you may forward or tweet it(tools below)

Mr. Hasmukhbhai and his wife made it a point to regularly spend time with their children while they were growing up and constantly reposed Trust in them at the same time teaching important Values and Principles of Life. He made a very valid comment at the end of the interview. He said ” We as parents know that when we are doing all the righteous things in life and with sincerity and honesty, then there is no need to worry about physical or financial security. Everything would fall in place.. a Higher Source would ensure that“.