Since parents have the duty and the right to be the first educators of their children, their primary concern is the physical and emotional well-being of their wards.

I am sure you all agree with me that good communication establishes solid ground to stand on when relationships encounter challenging situations. So, the next logical question is: What skills will help strengthen communication in our family?

I think it boils down basically to 2 vital processes a) SPEAK b) LISTEN

Both these processes have a no. of logical steps which you need to be aware of and practice until it becomes a Habit. So, to make the steps, easy to remember, I decided to expand on each word. Here…it goes….

SPEAK
S – State your thoughts/feelings(with eye contact). This will help you to be clear,direct and honest with your kids.

P – Practice what you want to say, before you say it. This will help you to think before you speak.

E – Evaluate a good time and place. (This is a very important step, as kids are very sensitive to this)

A – Ask your child to repeat what they have just heard. This will help you ensure that they heard it right and help your child to share his/her thoughts.

K – (very) Kindly ask your child to respond ……this then leads to the 2nd process…which is

LISTEN
L – Listen with an open mind. Pay attention. Don’t interrupt. Resist distracting thoughts.

I – Identify their ‘feelings’ part in the conversation/feedback. Feelings like frustrations, pain, difficulty, excitement etc.

S – Silence. Extremely important step. Don’t jump with your counter-comment. Let it sink in.

T – Tend the conversation. Use appropriate words, sounds & nods to show that you are interested.

E – Engage. Repeat what you just heard…and end it with a question to get a affirmation from your child that this is what he/she means by what  is being said.

N – Never interrupt them with your own opinions, feelings, thoughts etc…Keep it for the 1st process which is……

SPEAK….. then LISTEN then SPEAK then LISTEN…..and you both find a flow…a communication channel which is smooth, clear & enriching.

Care should be taken that this entire SPEAK-LISTEN loop is not disturbed with some common communication blockers like:

1.Interrogation – Come on parents, don’t behave like a cop with your kids.
2.Domination – Resist the urge to control and show who the Big Daddy is.
3.Yelling – This is usually the 1st re-action and mostly comes from a fear mindset.
4.Accusing – Give a chance to hear out the entire story before………..
5.Interpreting(your way) and then
6.Judging(their character rather than the situation) and finally the biggest monster……
7.Sulking – this silence treatment allows negative feelings to fester, creating a very uncomfortable environment for a productive conversation to take place.

If you can’t resist these blockers, then you have not really understood the above 2 processes. You need more practice

….and you are not alone…..your’s truly also keeps forgetting these basics and needs to be reminded of these

Let us all as responsible parents…try to practice these more frequently and make it into a habit. We owe this to our kids.

Now how do all these techniques apply to a situation where your child is more computer-savvy then you are?…and there arises a situation where your parental instinct tells you that something is not quite right…and you aren’t able to figure that out.

In today’s times…your Child needs the Internet….but remember, the Internet isn’t all good. There are a no. of SIGNS, that may signal a problem with your online kid. Let me help point out some:

• Screen-switching – the child suddenly switches the screen when you enter the room.
• Odd phone calls – this could be from total strangers
• Odd night hours – surfing/chatting during this time.
• Unusually upset when Internet connection is down for longer periods -this points to addiction.
• Social withdrawal – virtual relationships are more valued then real ones.

Taking a cue from these signs and applying the above mentioned techniques will help build effective communication and trust levels with your children. Parenting Gen-Z kids can be difficult, especially if you didn’t grow up with the same technologies that are available now. Please don’t be in denial of this. We can always learn and be of help to each other.

If you found some value in this article, I urge you to forward/refer/tweet this to your friends. If you have any further query please drop a mail at securechildhood@gmail.com or rao.devendra@gmail.com I would be glad to help.

Some of the salient findings of the study are as follows:

• 53% kids have shared personal information online
• 64% of 9-12 yr olds are members of social networking sites
• About 98% kids across cities access internet from homes
• About 21% said they were exposed to adult content, with the proportion being 40% in Mumbai and 28% in Bangalore.
• While 54% parents have generic security software on their PCs, a massive 77% are unaware of the specific software’s available to monitor child safety online.
• About 12% of the kids have reportedly faced online bullying.

This study clearly points out the following:

• Children are spending more time socializing on the net with friends than in real life, especially in the 9-12 year category.
• Many kids and parents are not fully aware of the threats present online.
• There seems to be a clear gap between how kids spend their time online and how parents perceive kids spend their time online.

In conclusion:

There’s a definite Internet usage patterns of Indian kids that has been emerging.

There seems to be a complete lack of adequate monitoring of online activities by parents.

We can safely conclude that as the number of teenagers and pre-teens rises, their parents’ awareness of their activities seems to be on a steady decline, what with the emergence of newer technologies and ever new techniques used by the bad guys out there.

There is an ever increasing need for installing a good family protection software to monitor kids online. A typical monitoring software should be able to report the internet activites(preferably in real-time -SMS’ing capabilities) among other features.

One of the lesser known and rarely reported trend is online bullying. This issue is a major concern and widely reported in western countries. Like all fads it would only be a matter of time that problems like bullying and sexting becomes a fad in India too.

Some medical experts have highlighted the fact that kids suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD) are prone to become cyber addicts.

Looking at the totality of the report, I would stress the following:

Parents should learn/understand what are the probable threats that their kids can face online. How best to protect them? How best to handle sensitive issues like adult content? Understand what exactly Privacy means and last but not the least the most important thing to remember is that parents need to keep communication channels with their children open and try to learn from them as well.

A 2.5 Year-Old Has A First Encounter with An iPad